I have a habit of setting unrealistic goals for myself. As a result of being a fairly optimistic person I genuinely believe that at some point in my life I am going to be really rich and have the job of my dreams and live in a big house with loads of antiques and throw dinner parties every weekend. It’s not that I can’t imagine the prospect of everything going wrong and ending up poor and unhappy but even then I’ll probably assume it’s only temporary.
I’ve long entertained these ideas of what my life will be like when I’ve ‘made it’ in the real world and become a proper grown up and there’s certain things I must own or be before I can declare myself satisfied.
I must have one of these
1) I must have ‘One of those cool old phones like off of Three Men and a Baby’
If you’ve never seen Three Men and a Baby I must first ask what on earth you’re doing with your life and demand that you find some way of watching it immediately…it has Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and some other guy taking care of a baby, that’s all you need to know (and I’m talking Tom Selleck and Ted Danson before they both got old and fat, don’t google what they look like now because it’ll just depress you).
Anyway, in said film they are not only taking care of a baby, they are also living together in an amazing penthouse apartment which Tom Selleck’s character designed because he plays an architect. They have lots of cool stuff and the coolest of all this stuff is one of those old fashioned wall phones where you hold one thing to your ear and speak into the thing on the wall, totally impractical in today’s world of mobile devices. Anyway, I’ve kind of lost where I was going with this because, in case you haven’t noticed, I really like talking about Three Men and a Baby…oh yes so this phone, this is what I’m going to own and that is the first thing I’m going to buy when I have extra money and a nice house.
Because this film was made in the 80s there is a severe lack of screen shots from it online so I couldn’t find one of them actually using the phone, instead you can just look at Tom Selleck et al with a small baby
2) I’ll shop only at Waitrose and buy all organic food
Pretty self explanatory really. I’ll have a kitchen with an island and lots of extremely expensive brightly coloured kitchenware and make nutritious and organic meals for my children and husband after a nice country walk…or something like that. As long as I have a kitchen with an island and the brightly coloured kitchenware it’s cool.
3) Own a grand piano
I cannot play the piano. Nor do I currently have any space whatsoever to put one. But that is not the point. One day when I’ve earnt so much money that I don’t even need to work anymore, and I spend most of my time doing volunteer work, I’ll host lavish dinner parties and play the grand piano (obviously I will have learnt by then) as the guests enter through my marble foyer.
4) Go on a game show because ‘I fancy a challenge’
You know those people who go on game shows just because they’re retired and have nothing better to do? Like when old rich people go on Come Dine With Me and host the dinner party in their mansions and make a point of saying that they ‘couldn’t care less about the money’, they just want to see if they could do it.
This actually seems kind of mean considering that, by this stage in life, that grand you might win from going on Come Dine With Me could actually CHANGE SOMEONES LIFE and yet you’re just going on there to keep yourself entertained. And when you do win, which you inevitably will since you can afford to spend hundreds on getting your guests excessively drunk on champagne so that they assume they must have had a good time even though they can barely remember it, you can just take that grand and add it to one of your many piles of money.
You know what, I’m not so sure about this…ok, I’ll go on a game show for the challenge but then give all my winnings to charity, much better.
5) Go on a spur of the moment holiday
When we were discussing this idea of having ‘made it’ at some point, one of my friends said that going on a spur of the moment holiday was the way she would know that she had made it in life. So now I’m stealing the idea for my blog because I’ve decided I want to do this one day too! So you’ll wake up on, say, a Tuesday morning and you’re feeling a little overworked, you turn to your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife and say ‘I could really do with a holiday’ and they grab a laptop and book a minibreak to Italy for that weekend, all before you’ve even got up for work. I hope my boyfriend is reading this and taking note.
I’ll be there by Friday night…
That’s all for now